Q&A: Courtship, Vaccinations & Thanksgiving!
Hey everyone! This week marks seven years since we officially became boyfriend/girlfriend, and in honor of this occasion, we are releasing a new Q&A video on the subject of courtship! In the video, we also touch on the topic of vaccinations + share our Thanksgiving plans!
We hope y’all are staying safe and that you enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving week, even if it looks different this year! We’ve found that taking time to think of specific things you’re thankful for can change your perspective, boost your mood and encourages those around us too!
Questions answered in this video include:
-What are your Thanksgiving plans?
-Do y’all vaccinate your kids?
-What are your views on courtship now?
-If you could go back would you change anything about your courtship/are there things you wish were different?
Have more questions you’d like us to answer? Drop them in the comments section below!
To see our other four Q&A videos click here, and be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel to be the first to know when new videos are posted!
Great Q & A today! I am ashamed to admit that I judged you two unfairly in the past. I respect how you handle yourselves. Especially you Jill. You grew up in a very black & white household and your journey has led you to a beautiful place that is full of nuance.
My one & only suggestion is to avoid talking over each other on video. Just a tiny observation.
Please ignore the trolls who are committed to misunderstanding you and who do not accept that growth is the name of the game for all of us.
Love.
Are you waiting until Derek is done with school to have another baby? You guys have great age gaps between the boys, is this intentional? I’ve suffered from infertility and it’s not spoken of often. After a few miscarriages I had my babies 15 months apart. God gave us the greatest gift ever.
I’m a huge fan of you and your family, I’ve been following for years and you are a true inspiration. You make me want to me more positive in life. Thank you.
How would you support your children if they dated someone of the same sex? Would you be willing to learn more about them? I
Have you ever considered being vegetarian? I’m in no way pushing it, I just feel like you could embrace and enjoy the lifestyle. You seem health conscious and have great recipe ideas etc. I find that I feel better when I eat vegetarian and it forces you to be creative with meals. I’m an animal lover so it’s easy for me to commit to, but I don’t judge anyone for loving bacon or a good steak!
I’m a vegan myself and I love it. I’m surprised that most religious people aren’t at least vegetarian
I would love you guys to talk about discipline. In your experiences growing up being the kids and also now that you are the parents and have to discipline your kids. I have little kids as well and discipline is something that I’m still learning how to handle and I struggle so I like to know what other parents do. Do you follow a specific type of discipline method? Do you use same type of discipline you had growing up? Do you ask friends for advice? Do you read books about it? Which ones? Anything related with parenting would be very interesting.
Will you ever share Sam’s birth story?
1. Do you (Jill) ever feel like you were TOO sheltered? Do you ever feel like you missed out, being so sheltered from pop culture growing up or are you thankful for it?
2. Do you (Derick) feel like you had to teach Jill about pop culture references, movies, and music she was not exposed to growing up?
3. What “rules” from your parents have you kept with your own children and which have you not? (ie no dancing, limited music, no tv, etc.)
4. Do you (Jill) think you’ll ever write another book from just your perspective of growing up in your family? I feel like the one you wrote with your sisters was probably heavily censored to portray a certain image.
Great Questions!
I love these videos!
I have questions for you that I’m sure you’re not ready to answer, but I’ll ask you this. Jill, have you considered continuing your education and/or having a career, perhaps after your boys are a little older?
These Q&As are great. You guys seem so normal and relatable- completely different to how a perceived you based on tv/social media.
A few questions suggestions:
Jill the show portrayed your family as having limited access to outside influences, pop culture etc.were there anything’s you discovered once you were married and out of that sheltered situation that you either loved or hated?
Derick, did you already have a courtship with Jill in mind when you began your prayer relationship with Jim Bob? I have romantic ideas of how you saw her, fell madly in love and did whatever it took to get to her
Do you guys have any plans to discuss the nasty rumors spread on social media eg: Sams birth, Hysterectomies, Jill not being able to be alone with her family without supervision etc.
You both have certainly been dealt a very colourful hand but are navigating it beautifully and with such grace! Love watching you guys! Keep up the good work
Great video! My question is, can you do a Q&A about your pregnancies with the boys?
This is my question too — can you tell more about your birth experiences and Sam’s birth? And how you were feeling afterwards? Do you want more children in the future? As someone who has struggled with infertility and then had to have a hysterectomy in my childbearing years, I ask these completely out of a compassionate place, but also TOTALLY respect if you don’t want to answer any of them!
Why is the life of your family and other “fundies” completely ruled by the power of sex and/or avoiding sex? It seems like all the rules are based around who can and can’t have sex, and who is doing sex wrong. All the sins are focused on sex. My goodness, with all the emphasis on sex, it is no wonder there are so many people in those communities who have sexual issues. It also seems like there is less attention then there should be to other sins like judging others, abuse of money, hatred in the heart, etc. What’s the deal with all that? For example, someone who has sex outside of marriage is castigated in the congregation, but people who commit other sins to the same degree are not treated that way. Certainly premarital sex can’t be a worse sin than the rest? And are the people who have committed lifelong same-sex partners worse than the hetero people who have rampant, but hetero, sex with multiple people? It’s all the same sin – premarital sex. I just don’t understand the massive and continual focus on sexual sins (which, in my opinion, contributes to an unhealthy worship of sex), and the underemphasize of the other non-sexual sins. Thanks for reading this and possibly responding in a future Q&A. It has been really on my mind lately.
I love watching your journey! Keep it coming. But PLEASE will you address why Jana is not living on her own yet or starting her own business even? And does she have to have an “accountability partner” every time she leaves the house??? Thanks, guys! Happy Holidays to you all.
I’ll be sending the kids a little craft project soon.
I “dated” from 16 to 28… it was so unhealthy. My last two relationships were courtships. The first courtship, the guy wasn’t respecting boundaries as promised so I ended it. The 2nd courtship did and we were engaged in 5 months and married in 7 mo from 1st day of courting. We are both 43 and he was a widower. I was celibate for 13.5 years and we waited until the wedding night. I cannot tell you the night and day difference. How we were both glad we waited.
Just goes to show that we don’t always know the “full picture” based on what we see online or on a show lol. I noticed that you talk over Derick a lot… maybe because you come from a big family.
Wondering if Derick ever found a diagnosis or cure for his symptoms that was shown on the show. My husband had similar symptoms with the gagging/vomiting so was curious if found anything. Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Great Q&A! Thank you for sharing with us. You really do seem to be such a nice couple and have a beautiful family. You are right. Life is a journey and none of us have it all figured out. I’m 56 and still learning. Views may or may not change as we grow and mature.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Terrie
I love your videos and hearing your wisdom and for exploring the truths of God’s Word with your own convictions. A question I have is about reality vs. perception with the TV show. You mentioned your Napal “goodbye” was staged and other things were emphasized or altered for effect. Can you give some specific examples of moments or events in the show that were perhaps not 100% as they appeared? Are there any that you regret or feel portrayed an inaccurate picture of you both/your wedding/marriage/kids/relationship with siblings etc. ? Thanks for your time! Blessings to you all. Love from Canada!
I found this so interesting and refreshing! I am the same age as Jill and watched the show growing up. When I was a teenager I thought the courtship thing seemed a bit out-there and had a more “worldly” dating experience. But now that I am an adult with a toddler, I’ve found that my views on dating are very similar to what you guys described in this video. I loved hearing your thoughts, and I also thought it was really helpful when you cleared up some of the misconceptions the show tended to depict.
My question would be: How has your experience been with making genuine friendships over the years (before, during, after the show)? Do you feel like people try to make friends with you because you guys have been on TV? Do you feel like you have friends you could share anything with, or do you worry that friends might spread gossip about you to the media? I feel like I would always be worried about that!
Just glad to see both pf you leading your own lives.i also think it is interesting that you are letting us all know that some of the scenarios that are presented on the show ( like having your parents on every Skype call) are scripted by TLC and not really how things really were. Of course it has become obvious that TLC likes to present huge ultra-conservative families. I am glad to know that things are not always as they seem. I would, however, like to know if you feel you were “ stunted” ( for lack of a better word) by the type of environment you were raised in. I feel your parents kept you away from the outside world for a purpose. I feel that has harmed all 19 of you to some degree. It will be interesting to see how different it is for the younger kids. I hope that you two will continue learning and growing and I hope you are able to be a positive role model for all your brothers and sisters ( speaking specifically to Jill).
I have a few different questions for the next Q &A! if you pick all, one, or none:
* it “appears” the girls in the Duggar family were not encouraged to go on to have a job/career of their own. Is that something you would change if you had daughters of your own?
*Derick, is there anything from how you were raised that you want to incorporate into your own family?
*Jill, do you ever look back on some of your parents’ past reactions to certain things and disagree with it now? Example when you and Derick first hugged at the airport it was a “front hug” and your parents seemed less than pleased. One of your younger brothers danced at a consignment store when a toy went off and again, your father didn’t seem amused by it.
*do you find yourself compared to the Bates family and how “progressive” they have become? (Josie starting a business, some not getting married in a church, all the girls started wearing pants/shorts once married)
I love the Q&A’s! I am curious if your view on creation has changed? Ex. Dinosaurs, how old you think the earth is?
Also, does the way you interpret things in the bible differ from how you grew up and were taught to interpret it?
Hi Jill and Derick.
1. How are the boys doing? How is Isreal doing in school?
2. Jill do you wish you had gone to public school?
3. Will you work as a midwife in the future?
4. Jill did you court or get to know any boys before Derick?
5. Derick did you date any girls before Jill and if so what was that relationship like?
6. Where can you send fan mail to for you and for your family?
Great Q&A.. I just have one thing to ask you to work on and that is to not say “LIKE” as much 🙂
Hi. What is your view on swearing/cussing? Do you avoid it and if so, what helps you avoid it?
Growing up, did you feel that time spent helping to raise your younger siblings ever took away from time for other things?
Enjoyed the Q &A.
I like the term date with purpose. It is more modern and has a positive connotation.
One question: based on your family values can a young woman decide to out on her own., have a career and her own apartment?
Just found these q&a videos and I absolutely love them! It’s so great to see you both. I’ve always been a fan of 19 Kids and Counting and then Counting On. It’s not been the same without you guys! I hate to hear that you have some “distancing” going on with your family and I will be praying for the situation. I just wanted to say you guys are rockstars at this marriage/parenting thing and it’s refreshing to see that yall are just a regular Christian couple that deals with life just like the rest of us.
One question I have for you both is how do you deal with the ever annoying social media comments from everyone? LOL Just from reading the comments on your Instagram it seems like everyone feels like they need to tell you what you should do/shouldn’t do/should’ve done etc etc. It must be exhausting. Yall seem to handle it with such grace though and I admire that!
Keep doing what your doing!
Sincerly,
A Duggar/Dillard fan. =)
Q for Derick: Are you sorry you said the things you said about transgender people? Will you ever acknowledge that it was a mistake to speak out against the LGBTQ community the way you did? Have you ever had a one-on-one conversation with Jazz, not online but in person? If so, how did it change your views or how would it change your views?
This is very personal but I always wonder this about very strict families. How do you know what sex is? Did you have this conversation with your parents and how did it go? Are you told details or just told that it will happen on your wedding night and you are left to figure it out?
These Q and A’s are great! I would love to know your feelings on higher education and if you will encourage your boys to go to college. Would that be the same if you had girls – would you encourage them to strive for higher education? And Jill, is there a reason why most of your siblings didn’t go on to college? Do you wish you could have?
Thank you Derick and Jill. I get so irritated with those ” extended warranty ” calls that say “This your final chance before we close your file.” The thing is they’ve been saying that for the past year and I don’t even own a car! Anyway, you two are such sweet folks and I appreciate your honesty. Continue to trust the Lord in raising your children. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!
I love your videos and enjoy following along with your family away from tlc 🙂
I have a question and I promise I’m not trying to stir the pot because I’m genuinely interested. With most vaccines having been grown from aborted fetal tissues (mrc-5, & Wi-38) What’s your views on that as Christians?
Thanks for doing this Jill and Derick! I always find these so interesting! I am wondering do you spend much time with your parents Jill? I occasionally see you post photos with the older sisters, but never your parents. And it always looks like you spend the holidays with friends or Derick’s family. Just curious how that relationship is, if you don’t mind me asking.
It was interesting to hear a bit more about your relationship, definitely filled in some gaps from the show. My husband and I have been best friends since age 4 so we knew each other really well when we made the decision to pursue marriage. It was still a completely different season of our friendship, those 6 months of “dating” (we didn’t know what to call it) and feeling out a future marriage. We talked a lot about future goals and hopes. We hope our kids will just have lots of good friends and will be pragmatic as it ended up being for us. We didn’t have any sort of romantic feelings for each other until right before we got engaged, it was like a light bulb came on and our hearts caught up. We didn’t set out to court or not date it just became this unexpected extension of our friendship.
I am curious about sheltering experience (asked in other comments) as well and what it was like no longer having the same rules as before. We have 5 kids and are constantly trying to find the balance of keeping them safe and giving them a real childhood and not wanting to over do it…
Especially as we’re hitting the teen years now. Was it difficult or a culture shock?
Hi there! Great video, thank you for posting. I was wondering if you have a more spiritual guide for marriage? We are going to try the Intimately Yours app as you suggested, but wondering if you have a Christian guide or resource that you follow? Thanks so much!
Hey having watched your q&a (Thanksgiving, vaccinations and courtship) I have some follow up questions mainly:
Do you worry that as Israel grows up in the public school system in comparison to your upbringing in a homeschool setting that he will be exposed to the more risky general dating that a lot of kids engage in i.e. kissing and sex before marriage?
You mentioned a few times about college- considering that Jill in your family college wasn’t something that a lot of your family pursued where as Derick obviously has had the experience of going to college- is college something that you envisage for your children?
Together you have worked to build a new model for your family and are making your own path through life together, while you grew up in similar households and with similar values what are the clear differences between how you each were raised and parented and which of these are you (as you put it accepting/rejecting/recycling) for raising your own children and why?
Thanks
You mentioned that your family does vaccinate. How do you feel about the COVID vaccine? If it’s mandated, will you agree to it?
Thanks so much for continuing to put yourselves out there, living your lives in front of a live audience. That takes a ton of courage, as there are so many people out there that choose to criticize you for your values and views on different subjects. No two people will ever 100% agree on anything. So you two just need to stay strong together. You are doing great! And your family values are just that! Tailor made for the Dillard’s!! God bless you, your marriage, and your sweet babies!
Thank you for a great q&a!
1. What part of 19 kids was scripted by TLC?
2. What is the biggest misconceptions about you two and Jills family?
God bless!
In your next Q &A, I’d love to hear what the show got “wrong.” For example, I had no idea you stayed in Nepal an extra week.
Me too! I had no idea about the staged goodbye and staying an extra week. Was there anything else that was so vastly different like that?
Do you wish you had kissed before marriage? I can see saving yourself for marriage, lots of good reasons to do so and not all are religious. But kissing, hugging, and holding hands are all ways to show you love and care about someone. Some peoples love language is physical touch.
What was the most surprising (or the most difficult thing) for each of you to learn as you began your marriage?
I found this so interesting and refreshing! I am the same age as Jill and watched the show growing up. When I was a teenager I thought the courtship thing seemed a bit out-there and had a more “worldly” dating experience. But now that I am an adult with a toddler, I’ve found that my views on dating are very similar to what you guys described in this video. I loved hearing your thoughts, and I also thought it was really helpful when you cleared up some of the misconceptions the show tended to depict.
My question would be: How has your experience been with making genuine friendships over the years (before, during, after the show)? Do you feel like people try to make friends with you because you guys have been on TV? Do you feel like you have friends you could share anything with, or do you worry that friends might spread gossip about you to the media? I feel like I would always be worried about that.
Great Q&A! Interesting to hear which parts of the show were exaggerated for tv!
I would like to ask, if you’re worried about external influences on your boys after your decision to send them to school rather than home school? Personally I love the things my kids come out with after a day at school and we discuss how we feel about it etc but I wondered how you felt?
Derick and Jill, What are your thoughts on IBLP and ATI? Thank you for doing the Q&A sessions! Have a blessed Thanksgiving and holiday season.
Do you still view all Muslims as terrorists? I’m a Muslim viewer, I enjoy getting an alternate perspective and generally speaking I like you guys too. However Derick has been really vocal about how he feels. Though we don’t share religious views, I was saddened to know that you could be so hateful toward a whole group of people. You even visited a mosque. I and all the other Muslims I know DO NOT IDENTIFY WITH OR CONDONE radical Jihadism WHATSOEVER. We think those people are sick, brainwashed, and have disgustingly skewed the name of our religion. So, as your worldview expands, does your viewpoint toward others as individual humans do too?
Are you okay with Israel having non-Christian friends from school? Is he allowed to go over to other children’s houses that aren’t Christian families?
What is your relationship with your siblings like? What about your parents? Which siblings are you closest to?
Hi Jill! You probably wont see this butn you mentioned a marriage conference. Was it the Weekend to Remember? My husband and I went to a Weekend to Remember last year and the speaker talked about some of the issues you mentioned about different family backgrounds and how it can affect marriages.
Thank you for sharing the q & a’s. Hearing your perspective is so interesting. I agree that people can adopt, reject, or recycle things from their own family backgrounds. It was refreshing to hear somebody mention that! I thought of a few questions for you guys!
1. Parents are often more strict with oldest children. Have your parents gotten more lenient with your younger siblings
overtime? Or, are there certain things they are allowed to do (that you couldn’t)?
2. You shared a bit about Derek’s dating past. Were there a lot of people interested in Jill? What stood out about Derek to you?
3. How often do you think dating couples should pray together? What about married couples? What are the ways that Derek is a good spiritual leader for your family? I heard once that sometimes women “push” their husbands to spiritually lead the family. Is it possible to be unsatisfied with a husband’s spiritual leadership? How do you handle the times of disagreement with your spiritual backgrounds?
4. What is your advice for single men and women looking for a spouse? Do you think some people are made by God to always stay single? Or if they don’t get married, it’s because they somehow messed God’s plan?
Love these- I really appreciate your openness and love hearing things from your perspectives. I learn! Can you guys talk about a comment that Derrick said about the Jazz person? I have no idea if this is true or not but was just curious if this actually happened.
What percentage of the show is staged or scripted from your perscreptive?
In a previous Q&A you mentioned that you guys watch The Office, me too! What are some of your favorite episodes? Favorite characters?
I am wondering if Jill could go back and change her childhood what is something she would change?! Would she of want to go to public school?!
What would you do if your sons told you they were gay? I hope you would accept it. Its not a choice.
How would you feel if one (or both) of the boys were gay? Would accept them, and make it so they feel comfortable enough to come to you about it? Would you be okay with them dating/courting someone of the same gender?
is a divorce allowed in your family. I would hope it was but thought it might not be.
I hope you and your family work things out. Idc how bubbly you may seem on camera, it has to hurt your heart. Lastly, I do feel like in some ways you’re the same, yet you’ve become more worldly. Idk..
When did Derick become so mature? He certainly seems to have grown up and broadened his mind in the last few years, at least since the blowout about Jazz.
Admittedly, I saw the show a handful of times and am not at all religious, but the Duggar’s have been part of the culture so I’m familiar with them through blogs and news stories.
Jill, do you still play any musical instruments?
Ok so I’m literally watching you’re wedding video right now on YouTube, the full version ! I’d love for you guys to re-watch it and comment on how you were feeling for real (not tlc version). Mostly , having been someone who successfully waited for marriage , and not to be vulgar but I do think your testimony in waiting is powerful
We’re you nervous regarding after the wedding ? We’re you given the whole truth about what was to come ? Was it a bad/good experience to put it lightly ? Definitely trying to be vulgar but I feel the world tells girls don’t wait , get some experience etc. which is a lie.
Your wedding was HUGE! Did TLC pay for it ?
*jessas face during the ceremony was the best lol
*your little sisters and nice at the front ♀️
*they played your engagement song ! I was like
*so glad Dericks mom is better now, she was so frail
*was that Alyssa bates playing and singing the piano in the beginning ? That song was beautiful !
Ok I’m
At the cows now , gotta go!
Hi! Just dropping into your blog to see how your sweet family is doing. I completely understand that need to individuate as a family, to tenaciously grab hold of everything genuine and let go of anything that is not. Just an encouragement, when I watched the original show I saw something in your Mom. A genuine love for people and a kind of joy that can’t be manufactured. I didn’t rush out to by long dresses, or anything like that, but I did pursue that love (or I should say He pursued me). And I am happy to say that now I know what it’s like to have that kind of love and joy be what overflows out of me and it is the atmosphere of my home! So thank you for being part of that!
Hi Jill and Derick!
I’ve always been curious if there is any reason why your family says “expecting” instead of “pregnant”?
Love you guys!
My question is:
Do you think Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) is a cult?
The reason I ask is because my husband and his family grew up in an IFB church. We currently still attend this church and love it. However, most of the people we know that grew up there and left, think it’s a cult. I just wonder what your thoughts on it are!
Tips for an effective daily time of Bible Study and prayer? I am thinking of buying a new Bible or new Bible reference material. What is some of your favorite material for Bible study? How do you stay engaged with the Bible? What are some studies that you recommend? I’m looking for ideas.
What are some chores that Israel and Samuel help out with?
If you ever have a girl, are you still considering the name Selah? I like that name a lot.
Will the boys get a puppy for Christmas? Lol 🙂
Did you leave El Salvador for safety reasons?
I heard Derick is writing a book. Will the book include the story of Derick’s dad? I know more about Derick’s mom because I read her book. I know Derick’s dad was a policeman who died serving his community. I would like to hear more of Derick’s dad’s biography.
Hey! Just wanted to say both of you are awesome, and I enjoy hearing advice that you have to give. I do have a question for Jill . I know you and your siblings grew up dating with a purpose. Have y’all been on dates, or we’re in the phase of getting to know someone, and it didn’t work out? What was that situation like in your household? Was it mostly online, video chatting or were you allowed to meet in person
How you guys handle not being invited to social gatherings for family functions?
My question is:
How does it feel when you are left out of family events like the recent wreath making? We’re you even invited? Do any of your siblings feel badly or reach out?
Do you guys sing Christmas Carols to the people in your neighborhood?
How is Saint Nick (mr. clause) viewed in your homes both individually growing up and now with your own family
How was sex talked about in your house? At what ages were the conversations had?
2 things. First love you guys and second jill, I was wondering what your relationship with your family is. I know you mentioned it before but how will you be celebrating the holidays? Do you see them? Call them? Send them gifts? Im just so curious. ♥️
Will you celebrate Christmas with your big family?
And do the boys have any tradition with your parents?
Hi! Question: why were you not at Joy’s for wreath making? We missed you in the pictures!
Hi, the questions I have are you still in contact with your Sisters, Sisters-in-laws, like do you guys still get together? I see on IG that they do stuff, and your not there.
I love these Q&A’s! Thank you for sharing your stories with us.
1. Did Derick find it super strange to have a camera crew around all the time when you met for the first time?
2. Are you guys still invited to family holidays and parties at your parents house?
3. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be?
Thanks for being amazing!
How do you feel about blanket training? Do you think it was a good thing for your family to do? Did you do this with your boys?
Do your kids believe in Santa?
Will you let your kids believe in Santa? It’s just for fun and it’s the joy you see in your kids eyes on Christmas morning that will fill your heart with joy. Love your family! Merry Christmas!
I am glad you answered the vaccination question but I feel there was some things left unsaid, perhaps the biggest reason you as a Christian family were asked the question of if you vaccinate your children. How do you feel about the aborted fetal cells in and used for vaccine development? As a Christian myself I cannot brush this under the rug and would love to hear your thoughts.